Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Talking (sternly) to my mesembryanthemum




Now listen. It's time we had a little talk. How long have we known each other? Five years? More you think? Maybe. And in all that time you haven't given me one single measly flower. Not one.


I didn't blame you the first year. Well, you should know me well enough by now. When have I ever condemned a plant without checking first? And sure enough, all the sites told me you wouldn't flower if you were overwatered. So I cut back. And still nothing. The next year I cut back still further. You just turned brown and tatty.


Now credit where credits due - I've tried hard. I've tried fertilising and not fertilising. I've put you in the sun, out of the sun, half in half out. And still you just sit there. I've pruned you back, I've let you grow, I've taken cuttings. And where did that get me? I now have two of you who won't flower instead of one.


So here we are again. You're supposed to flower from June to August and what have you given me? Not so much as a bud.


Well I'm sorry, but I've had enough. You know I never throw a plant away unless it dies, but I think you're just taking advantage. You're a tatty mess and you refuse to perform. So this is your last chance. I'm afraid you take up too much space for me to be patient any longer. I've checked all the gardening sites I can find, and I'm following their advice to the letter. I've put you in the sunniest spot I can. I'm watering very moderately and you're not getting fertilised if you beg for it. But this is it - you give me some flowers by August or I'm afraid we'll be parting company.



7 comments:

Valeri said...

Sue I'm amazed that you arn't getting any flowers if you have them in full sun. They are so easy to grow. Pop them in the ground, wait for sun and hey presto! I don't buy them any more as we have so little sun and then they look all droopy. I don't know what to say but I know if I had something that didn't flower it would have to go. I'm building up courage to discard a lilac that hasn't flowered in five years! :-) Val

Janet said...

I had to look this one up...common name is a common iceplant. I have those. (Delosperma) and they put up with a lot of neglect and lack of water. good luck.

Chandramouli S said...

Who knows, SUe? May be the plants can read blogs too! No, seriously. I remembered making fun of my pomegranate plant not flowering in one of the post and the two days later I see bud in it. SO, may be in a week or two yours might start giving out buds too. I really bow down to your patience! Five years! Whoa! That's darned long!

Carrie said...

WOW, that was some tough talking too! There's no messing with you. I'd get flowering if I were one of those plants.

Jan said...

It sounds as though you've given it more than its fair share of chances. But you have to stick by your word now... or it'll know that it can get away with murder!

Emma said...

Very funny... i love this post! I actually have these conversations with my plants.. and members of my family sometimes (only in a different way!)

Elephant's Eye said...

could try well drained sandy soil. They can be so beautiful when they are covered with flowers. My neighbour has a spectacular bank of mesems in season. Mine are just starting. I mean, just a single flower so far!

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